Kawthar
kakak...
kakak jngn risau..
mama x marah kakak pon..
6:38pm Kawthar is offline.6:38pm Me
taknak (send as a message)
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mama salu marah kite (send as a message)
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yes, my little sis.. the innocent sister until now. she always soothes me with her word everytime I'm in trouble.. that's her private message to me, after my mom and I, had a big talk! coz she's surfing the net at that time, masyaAllah, what a lovely sister.. =)
my brother is having dengue fever. balong is in the middle of exam right now, my mum has stacks of piles of paper to mark, my sister is always ok eventhough she's busy and tired, and me? I'm pretty free, and always feel free.. +)
my dengue brother is in bangi, and my mother worries so much about him, planning irrational plans.. I, and my sister against her plan, which we thought it does not make any sense..
mom : I just want to go there, and visit him.not bringing him back. he will miss too many classes.
me and my sis: what for? cant we just bring him back for him to settle and relax for a few days at home? whats the point of going there to just look, and hush?
mom: takpe, as long as pergi tgk, esok2 kalo mama sakit, hampa suma ada anak2, kerja suma, busy... pergi tgk sekejap pon cukup lah...
hurmm.. macam tu la plak.. u knoe, sometimes, I wonder and ponder, woman reeeallly cannot make the best decision eh? so this is the role of a man in a family? to make the final decision over decisions from his wife??? is that so?
my mom, yes. she never listens to her girls.. how good we are, how naive and perfect we are in front of her eyes.. but she can easily praised the boys in my house, eventhough they have done nothing, just the simplest thing that I can do better.. I hate it!
me and my sis : if that is, then lets go.
mommy : I cant go, I have papers to mark. and balong is not going, nobody to drive. ( im totally invisible)
my sis and I : now what?
I can say I hated this moment,coz she is confusing herself, again.. that sometimes I gave up. and so sorry, my hot temper, inherited from my father is starting to fusing and burning up..
mommy : I asked you (me)to do it yesterday, why didn't you marked the paper?
me : .....
I dare not to say anything,coz it will just spoil everything. but in my heart "it's not that I don't wanna help, I'm a working student in my own house, I'm the driver, I'm the cooker, I'm the maid, and I'm the everything..in the same time I'm trying to finish my books, I wanna read blogs, I want to increase my knowledge, I also want to be free..you expect me to mark your paper during my holidays(weekend)? you know that I hated so much marking exam papers.. so as I've been doing it since I am in primary school(marking my father's exam papers), you know I hated it very much.... but you never understand, coz I'm a girl..I will never be treated as what I want, but what you want.."
my sis: ok, if that's what you want, jom ikhlas kite pergi office mama, ambek all her exam paper, mark petang nie jugak..
me: ok, jom.. mark sampai pagi esok sampai mate terjegey..(being sarcastic, annoyed, and feelin' down being put aside.I know, I suck, don;t tell)
my sis: so, are we going?
mom: there's nobody to drive.
me : i can! lets go..
mom: tu KL la ikhlas, awak tak dak nak tau jalan aih..
me: oh so what? balong tu tau jalan sangat la? die pon tak dak nak tau aih. tu bangi, bukan gombak..
mom: balong tak pa la, die ade skill driving. die cekap sikit. awak tak dak nak tau aih...!
you will never stop downgrading me.. I just dont know why. =( If only u knoe that ive toured KL, and I DROVE!! but I guess, you will never care.. you will never care.. and at that instant, I think.. I'm just being used to drive here and there.. while she never appreciates what I've done, while I, sacrificed my holiday, I didn't work so I can help my family.. I'm back for nothing.. I just felt like 'ditirikan'.. my list of 'going to buy' is never going to be fulfilled.
='(
meanwhile, balong is considering not going coz he is in his final week of examintaions.. semester 4.
mom : go and tell balong, have a rest now, we will depart soon enough, tonight. he is going to drive.
i know, she will never trust me. she will never care for me, im being used just for the daily errands.coz my brother is not going to wake up until its 2 pm.and I'm the only one to help around eventhough I HAVE NO SKILLS IN DRIVING, STUPID, IDIOt, HELPLEss...
and at this moment, i felt like not going tonight.. coz if I go, when my brother is tired, i would have to drive to replace my brother for awhile, JUST TO REPLACE, and I'm still the idiot unskilled daughter to be used just as a substitute driver. or we will rest at ANR for him to sleep, and wait.. coz I can't drive.. I just don't know how to drive..
tic toc tic toc..
my sis is here.. asking whether I am confident enough to drive to HKL. i wonder why so sudden?
my aunt just called, telling that my brother is strugling so hard, and he is soo sick.. that we might wanna go this instant. and I, I am ready for the challenge..wether I dianaktirikan atau tidak, I;m going for the sake of Alah, for the sake, of my family and my brother.
pray for me.
